The Ides of March - How to Edit Yourself Anywhere

Well let's face it. March was a pretty cruddy month. I have had lot's of crazy late and unfinished homework that I am not even going to talk about right now. (For the sake of space and my personal dislike of feeling like a total retard) This month has left many bad tastes in my very hygienic mouth, depression, anger, tiredness, and more spring fever than I thought I could handle. There are tins of things I can blame for this seemingly malevolent month, but instead of writing my hate letter to March, which I had previously scheduled for this blog, I think I shall take this outstanding opportunity to talk about what is going to make April a better month. (In your face March)

1 April 1st (Starting at the begging) At the time of this writing April 1st is coincidentally the same day as tomorrow, which can only mean one thing: APRIL FOOLS DAY! And I love my April fools day. I am just foaming at the mouth with all of tomorrows opportunities. I won't go into great detail with all of my next-to-pure-evil schemes but I would be more than happy to help you with yours if you care to facebook message me.

2 Spring break! After tomorrow at 3:30 I will have 10 days of Delicious FREEDOM. That's right, and there is nothing you teachers are gonna do about it. This just makes me want to run around my house like there is a million dollars in my pocket.

3 In April we will be totally refreshed. I have a good feeling that everyone (My self included) will feel a lot nicer and more tolerant after spring break. Yeah it will be like that one clever commercial with the guy with the empty battery screen.

By the way what are the Ides or March? I looked it up and didn't help me much.

Looks like it's time for todays Technical Tip: Fun with Pictures

I love pictures they are just awesome. I like taking them, drawing them, editing them, messing with them, and most importantly tricking them out, so for the reader of mine who enjoys fun little cool projects welcome to my first little how to.

Step 1: your gonna need something good for this. Maybe you have noticed some people have taken some pictures and made put themselves in different places, or done something physically impossible in a picture. Like this

I made this one a while ago using my very favorite editor paint.net. (Not to be confused with tragically boring ugly o'l ms paint that comes pre-installed on any windows) Paint.net is one little cool program I'd recommend to anyone, along with gimp or any other decent free-ware image editor. I prefer paint.net for it's ease of use and flexibility. I'm not rolling in the benjamins right now so I can't really say I am a Photoshop guru. I also can't say I'd like to lay down like 500 bucks to get an adobe product package. But I can still be awesome with this stuffs and their is nothing wrong with that.

Step2: A project. Let's try making something simple putting ourselves somewhere else. This will look great on facebook. To start you'll need the aforementioned image editor (You can download paint.net (virus free) here Paint.net does have a few requirements so make sure you have those if your going to download) So let's begin by opening it.

Cool huh?

step 3: Get your images. Press open and get a picture of yourself from your files. (preferably next to a blank wall) Next get another image from the internet where you would like to be. (A fish tank will do nicely I am thinking bigger though http://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/File:Aquarium_tropical_-_bac_marin.JPG) Copy the image from the internet, where ever you find one. Press the new layer button on the layer window.(It's the one with a green plus sign) Once you have the new layer paste your fish tank in on this layer. Make sure that you don't expand the image if the picture is too big. Just move it around. It should look like something like this:

Step 4: Shaving. Once you have your pictures. Go to your top layer. It's time to delete your background (hopefully a wall if you were smart enough to take my advice) Your gonna want to grab the magic wand tool from the side bar. Select an area of the background and delete it by pressing the delete key. If you select part of your skin you've gone too far adjust the tolerance level at the top of your screen to a lower level. Keep doing this until you have deleted the background. While you are doing this you can see that new background behind you. (Note: If you find this process going too slow try adjusting the tolerance to a higher level.) It should look something kinda like this:

Once you finish getting what you can our of the the background you can go through the rest of the debris with the eraser tool.

Now that is awesome. But We're not quite done yet.

Step 6: Finishing touches. Now that I'm done with the shopping out background I have some options. I could edit my appearance, or change my background. Let's do both. First I'll change my size. I want it to look like I'm really in this ocean aquarium. First I selected my self with the box selection tool and then sized it down with the dark blue pointer.

Wow. I'm in the aquarium. But that's not good enough. I'd rather be in a different place so I changed it. I saved my file back when I was bigger so I could change it to another place.

Waterfall!!!!!!!!

Well that completes my little how-to. Hope it was helpful. Keep coming back for more awesome stuffs.

Have any questions? Facebook me about it.

One Might Find this Clever

As aforementioned in a previous post (Actually two) I am know an Animator. This is just a simple little project and not to be taken seriously or complained about.(Yeah yeah, I realize it has no sound)But I think this is clever.





Also watchable here for a bigger screen, and more awesomeness.

Well I Mentioned Animation

Yep. I did it. This is all I have to show for you now.

Well bloggees. (People being blogged upon) This is my promo.

Wow that Really Must of Sounded Better in the Fairy Tale.

As you can imagine with my curious mind and infinite love of sarcastic whit it is natural for me to question what most people take for granted. As you know I've already utilized these natural abilities to mutilate the classic Cinderella we all know and moderately appreciate. However today has brought to my attention one of the most gruesome stories that plague our Disney infested earth.

Today while doing some light internet browsing I turned on my television to reveal a classic: Snow White, and the seven gross middle aged bearded midgets. Now thinking about it, it didn't seem bad at the time. It's a classic, right? Well apparently I tuned in at the exactly wrong instance. I joined our favorite not-quite-a-Disney-Prince Princes while they were innocently singing about their commute to their mountain quarry vocation. ("Hi-Ho Hi-Ho it's off to work we go.") All seemed fine until a seemingly not-pretty and barely -innocent-looking old door to door apple saleswoman showed up. (Sweet muffins! I love adjectives!)

This saleswoman has some extremely bad sales techniques including scaring unaccompanied forest dwellers, faking heart issues, entering homes, and not taking no for an answer , false advertising her apples, and not taking no for an answer. Let's not forget the rest of her disturbing persona. Can you imagine a scarier face. I swore she was about to pull a bingo card out from under one of those ridiculous wrinkles. I mean come on lady. This is why Botox was invented, not for over-payed celebrities who would like to retain their youthful facial appearances, (That's right I'm looking at you Joan Rivers) but for keeping creepers like you out of our nightmares. You terrified me as a little kid, and you still terrify me now. Look you even scare kind unrealistic forest animals. Just. Disturbing.

So after an a pathetic failed attempt of the aforementioned forest animals to save their friend this saleswoman commits the fraud of convincing the unsuspecting Snow White that eating one of her products that will supposedly help her prince to fall in love with her, and live happily ever after. No matter how terrible it is to do that to an innocent forest Girl, I have to say Snow White is the most Gullible and most certainly not the brightest of the Disney Princesses. Come on. Who has ever heard of a wishing apple? I partially think she deserved the plight she received, which was the equivalent of 50 pounds of anesthesia down her throat.

As if it wasn't bad enough that this evil wicked queen gone geriatric killed Snow White, Snow White's little gnome dwarf thing buddies had to go drive her off a grotesque cliff.

Guess what it all gets better though. Snow white is put into a solid gold and glass coffin the gnome things build for her. Isn't that just lovely. I bet that's one of the perks of working in their mines: you can bury your dead in 50 lbs of pure bling. But on the other hand that's disgusting. If someone digs their 500 years later, they'll find a skeleton in a dress staring at them. Yeah well I'm so glad they never actually buried her.

They never had to because of good old prince charming who she probably met on E-harmony. Mr. Prince Pants came to pay his respects and gave her a final kiss. Apparently this kiss was either some sort of new cpr or used magic to bring her back. Well good thing this was a fairy tale cause if I kissed some dead and she came to life in my face I'd lose my lunch all over her no longer dead facial mass, much less take her on my horse to my castle in awesomeland.

I hate this gross story. Goodbye.

Animations?

Ive been messing around with some pretty cool new software. Maybe some animations are in my very awesome soon to come future. Ive just been experimenting with motion animation. Maybe this could become something. I'll be vague for now.

Why yes. That does look interesting.

The 10 Unspeakable Plights of the Typical Dentist Trip

Join me as I (a true victim of this horrific industry) show you the ten unspeakable happenings of the Dentist Office. I am a dentist Vet. I have been through infections, a root canal and numerous teeth pullings. I would love to elaborate on these gruesome experiences but the currently being digested lunch inside your stomach does not permit me this liberty lest he lose his natural place in the order of the digestive system. (That's right keep them cookies in ya belly.) Instead I shall vent my ramblings towards the more generic of experiences, ones that you yourself have encountered or are yet to encounter.

#1 That wonderful waiting room. I think the waiting room is the selling point of the entire experience, most have weird magazines sitting around (The kind that don't have jokes) or those disgusting pictures of unnatural looking filthy gross unbrushed teeth, (I love this ewaiting room decor. Wow doesn't those pictures just look like... a totally a disgusting mutilation of the human mouth.) or the increasingly popular pictures of super heros endorsing brushing and fighting crime with tooth brushes. You know the ones who are beating plack over the head with a brush or lassoing him with a floss.

#2 that creepy lady at the counter. She udders word of doom with her classic "They'll be ready for you in just a couple minuets" or when she wants to just sink your heart like a boat she'll pull out the ol' "Oh, hi they're waiting for you just down the hall"

#3 That creepy hygienist . She tries so hard to offer you some pleasant small talk while she pokes your mouth with some strange tool that your tongue tries desperately to evade for fear of being punctured. She obviously can't relate. "So, do you have a girlfriend?", "You want a prize for not screaming and crying and soiling my outfit?". Okay she is creepy

#4 That dentist lingo. So at some point that awkward almost a dentist calls in the real dentist. He pokes your mouth and ask if stuff hurts while she enters the info into the computer. They usually go back and forth with numbers like your mouth is a game of battle ship. Usually they just have misses but every once in a while they come across something: "eruption on b2". Look Mr. Dentist I have no clue what an eruption is, but I feel slightly uncomfortable with you using terms about my mouth that can also be used as volcano terminology.

#5 The unshared info. Mr. Dentist and Ms. Awkward jabber ask you lots of questions and confer among themselves about their meaning. Wouldn't it be nice to know what on earth they are talking about. Some tell you, some won't. It drives me crazy that they can't tell you. Eventually you'll hear them discuss it with the parent that brought you. You adults are lucky to not be in this position.

#6 The Taste of latex glove in your mouth. Just gross.

#7 Some dentists just can't handle kids under stress. I was once started panicing during a tooth removal. After having the shot Mr. Good with kids was asking me if I was ready to have it removed. I felt a little panicy and shook my head violently. Feeling very nervous he asked if I'd like more anesthetic. I shook again. "Are you sure" he said "I can give you another shot". Well I can't imagine what would happen if I had shook yes. I couldn't feel alot of my face until after lunch that day.

#8 The chair. If it wasn't weird enough having stranger filing through your mouth. They had to make it worse by adding that creepy chair. Everything was all fine and dandy until you started messing with that little lever and now if feel as though your going to take a jack hammer into my face. This chair feels casual at fist but then forces you under it's submission. I felt so comfy until you had to make things all weird. Now I am at the mercy of what ever tools of destruction are on that silver little tray. Not to mention that stupid light.

#9 The drive there. Too many butterflies are in my stomach when we drive towards the ol' Denty. I feel like someone is chucking tennis balls at my internal organs.

#10 The infamous statement. "You need to brush more" Last time I visited my buddy the dentist I volunteered to say it for him so he wouldn't have to go to all the trouble. Look captain clean I realize that. Next time He's got another thing coming. I have been brushing like 3 times per day and using floss and mouth wash. If one more dentist tell me that I will simply suggest that he come to my house and brush my teeth if he is so dissatisfied. So eat that Denty Man.

I Am Such A NERD!!!!

Yes it's true. This may not be news to some of you, but alas tonight I fear I have hit a new low. This is the sort of thing that would happen to some kid on a commercial. Just read.

Today I was cramming in my 5 page state report on Michigan. Everyone had to chose a state. (See how I took a short cut here?) And we had all month to finish this report, but I had of course better thing to do (And by better I mean awesome) Yeah It was pretty bad. When my mom asked how long I had to finish this project, I told her I wasn't even going to answer the question. So I went a-writing away finishing page after page until I finally got to my industry section. As you might have known Battle Creek Michigan is the home of a Post Cereal plant and one of my favorite cereals: Honey Bunches of Oats. Being in the spirit of being a nerd I took the time to elaborate on this fascinating history. Just look.

"Michigan is the birthplace of several cereal manufacturing plants. Battle Creek Michigan is home to both Kellogg and Post Cereal plants. It was in Battle Creek that Vernon j. Herzing created the predecessor of Honey Bunches of Oats (this author’s favorite cereal, which he recommends to anyone.) After becoming the facility manager Vernon combined several post cereals at the plant he worked for in Battle Creek and Created a combination of 3 cereals, sold them as one and outsold all of the other cereals. The people at post originally wanted to call it the “Battle Creek cereal”, but the name didn’t stick. They eventually decided to name the cereal “Honey Bunches of Oats”. Honey Bunches of Oats is one of the top selling cereals of today."

Maybe that doesn't look so bad to you but if you only knew how I felt. I was all excited to be able to write about my favorite cereal. I was all like "Cool now I can write about my cereal, Cool Bean curds!" If that wasn't bad enough for you, my bibliography page read something like this:

(Link1)

(Link2)

(Link3)

The back of a Honey Bunches of Oats Box.

Yeah. I regret this nerdyness but somehow I would have done it again if given the chance. Someone help my weird self.