Awesome Montage

Because I obviously do not contain enough awesome in myself to sustain the interestingness of this blog, so I have decided it's time for an Awesome Montage containing an awesome picture, quote, video, and Video. I have been surfing the interwebs and this is the pure awesome I have uncovered. So enjoy this montagetastic manifestation of magnificence.

Story

Picture: Redneck House-boat

Video

Ouch!

Today I was hit by a set of bleachers at my school. Yes. Now that you mention it, it is a funny sentence. But my own fault. Today I was running away from two of my friends with their basketball, and while attempting to chuck it away from them smashed my face into the bleachers, in the gym. I couldn't feel my face for a couple minutes. Yes, I am a nincompoop. Only one such as me can make their face go numb from their own accidental force.

Here's something interesting.

Can you not just see an infomercial in the making for this?

Ever get sick of those dull monotonous highway chases? We have the car for you. Ever wished you could just get away from it all and leave to some other country on a whim, this car is your key to instant travels. Personally I think this is a really pointless idea, well unless you want to have really interesting gas station conversations.

Cinderella. A new version

Once there was a girl named Cinderella. Cinderella's mother died when she was a baby. She was never sure why. (Though her step mother assures her it was due to obesity) She lived with her Dad for years by themselves and they were very happy. Her dad was a very successful lawn gnome salesman, the greatest in the entire kingdom. But that wasn't enough for dear old Dad. One day he met a lady named Geraldine. They dated for a few years and decided to combine their families. Cinderella, her father, and Geraldine and her two daughters moved into a big mansion together. All seemed good for Cinderella. She had a good home, her father had been recently promoted to ceo at gnome-co, and she made friends with some forest animals. Unfortunately for Cinderella 1 year later her father was killed or locked in a dungeon or was in a coma or became very busy with his job or something that involved her not being able to see him again. For years she was miserable until all that changed one fateful day.

It was a warm summer day. Cinderella’s clock barely stroke six before she was rudely awoken.
"Cinderella!" cried her step mother, "You neglected to wash my Ferrari yesterday".
"I’m terribly sorry Geraldine. I was up until 12 shining your shoes and spot-cleaning the bathroom with a tooth-brush," She replied.
"Well sorry isn't good enough you need to get back to work, and why aren't you in your janitorial uniform?"
"I'm so sorry I'll go and get ready, but before I go, could I make a request?"
"Alright but you have 15 seconds and counting"
"Couldn't we buy an electric tooth-brush? All of our neighbors' maids look so efficient cleaning their bathrooms with electric toothbrushes."
"Foolish child, I can't think of a good reason not to, since we are rolling in the benjamins and all. But since you acted so spoiled as to ask I'm going to blame it something say no. I don't know what I'm blaming it on yet, but I'll text your minimum service no-internet piece-of-junk $0.20-per-text phone when I think of it."

So Cinderella went about her work. Meanwhile Geraldine went to her office to check her email. She looked over her usual advertisements and came across an interesting email for the palace. It read:

That day Cinderella's home was abuzz with the excitement of the palace ball. While her stepmother and stepsisters were shopping she just mopped the floors, swept porch, answered mean $0.20 text messages from them, (Her Stepmother and Stepsisters that is. It would be kind of weird to be texted by your flooring) and doing other chores. By 8 o'clock she was exhausted and went up to her home theater to dust where she found Frank, her Fairy godfather watching c-span.

"Hey Frank" she said.

"What do you want now" He replied from the comfort of his reclining la-z-boy.

"Well It's just that there's this electric tooth-"

"Let me guess, you want to go to that stupid ball so you can go chill with Mr. Dancing-Pants Himself, The prince."

"Well that would be awesome but I really only-"

"I can't help you."

"Why, Frank?"

"Because"

"Frank you know that's technically not a real answ-"

"Okay Fine"

"I'll get you the stretch limo with a tennis court and surround-sound the whole sha-bang"

"Wow Frank you are the most amaz-"

"There's one condition if your gonna go hang with sir Dance-a-lot"

"What's that Frank?"

"Be back by midnight"

"Well of course, but the ball lasts til 2"

"Too bad, My magic can't last that long. I've been forced to buy discount ever since your little prince started spending my tax dollars faster than you can say a cheesy spell phrase"

"Oh..."

"Ok. Here goes"

Then Frank brought up a spell, suddenly her old 76 chevette poofed into one awesome stretch limos, and a neighbor kid turned into a street-savvy chauffeur. Her family janitorial uniform turned into a lovely gown, and her converse all stars instantly turned into glass. (which was actually more comfortable than it sounds) And with a tip of his cheesy looking hat Frank disappeared into one of those magical fairy not-environmentally-friendly pink clouds.

So Cinderella walked out of her house after grabbing her old phone which had since blossomed into a a beautiful dell windows 7 enabled laptop. (Gotta love techno magic) She got into her stretch limo, and tipped the neighbor kid who now spoke with a heavy NYC cab driver accent.

"So, where to?" he asked.

"The palace" She replied cheerily.

So she arrived in style on the red carpet. Celebrities were everywhere. The whole palace smelled of expensive perfume and sweaty guys trying to cover up their gross stench with cologne. (not one of her favorite smells) She looked over at the food table and noticed the rest of her "family" having what did not look like the time of their snotty lives.

She walked out on the dance floor. The DJ lined up tune after tune. She danced til feet hurt. Lot's of time. went by all the while she stared at the other girls all hanging out with the prince. The DJ layed down a funkalicous techno beat and the two danced their shoes off (Which they hardly even noticed) Several songs went by and the clock ticked faster than either of them could have wished. It wasn't long before the clock stroke twelve. Suddenly The prince's phone buzzed.

"What was that?" she asked.

"Oh that was just my phone", he replied, "It rings ever hour" I loose track of time easily.

"I g2g" she said running out of the palace.

"Wait" he stuttered. But it was too late she was gone.

Cinderella ran. She was unsure what surprises awaited once Frank's spell ran out of magic. She ran down the palace’s street. She got into her limo, which was waiting conveniently waited for her by the curb.

"Where to, lady?" asked her chauffeur.

"Home, and step on it," she answered.

"You got it" he chuckled, and they sped down the highway.

As you can imagine it is a very awkward situation for a police officer to find a 12 year-old driving a 17 year-old in beat up chevette down a high at 80mph. This was the sad case with our characters on the side of that highway. The officer - a nice guy who happened to have a fairy godmother and understood the situation, decided that under the (completely believable) circumstances he would let it go that time and sent them on their way. So a depressed Cinderella sulked into her room and fell asleep out of exhaustion.

At the same time the prince stood around the palace observing his staff cleaning up after the party. He seemed rather depressed as well, until he noticed something strange. Two glass converse sneakers lying on the dance floor. Before a he could udder a syllable he gasped as one of hi butlers tripped on one and flew into the air, crushing it underneath his hindquarters. The prince ran and grabbed up the other slipper. He knew tomorrow he would find his techno-dancing sweat heart.

The following day, Cinderella awoke to begin her usual routine of cleaning and such. She had worked away half the morning when she heard the doorbell ring. She walked downstairs to get it but to her dismay she saw before her a sight that shocked her to the core. There stood her wicked stepmother, Geraldine opening the door for a well dressed looking butler and the prince himself.

"Your highness!" She exclaimed, "What can I do for you this fine day?"

"Nothing more than a quick survey madam" he replied politely, "I see from our records, that you have attended our ball last night".

"Why yes sir ".

"You and your daughters is that correct"

"Yes"

"The four of you?"

"No unfortunately, My youngest was unable to attend"

"That is a shame. Could you possibly try on this sneaker madam? It was found at our ball last night."

"Why don't the two of you have a seat?" she kindly asked.

"Yes of course" replied the prince.

"I'm terribly sorry madam but I would prefer to stand" declined the butler, "My hindquarters have been hurting me terribly".

"Anyways", interjected the prince "Could this possibly be yours madam?"

"I'm sorry, I don't think that's mine", she answered "But maybe one of my girls left it. Come here girls!"

Both of Cinderella's step sisters came down from their rooms very groggy and tired. Each of them claimed to own the sneaker, hoping to impress the prince. Neither of their feet fit in the shoe to their dismay the first step sister’s foot was too large. .

"What about her?" asked the prince pointing to Cinderella.

"Oh but she wasn't even their there's no point!" replied the enraged stepmother.

"Look madam, I have been all over this country this morning, I am willing to try anything"

"Alright then"

Cinderella walked down the stairs towards the prince who of course smelled like more bad perfume and women's foot odor. She quietly tried on the sneaker and it fit perfectly.

"It was you?" exclaimed the prince.

"Yes" She sobbed.

The prince and Cinderella were eventually married. They took the glass and sold the glass slipper to converse who bought the concept for 5.4 million dollars. The two lived happily-ever-after even more filthy rich than ever before.

As for frank he got a local job teaching magic to future fairies at a community college.

Geraldine lost all her money in a gambling debt, and sold entire fortune and her bratty

daughters to pay it off. No worries. She took up residency in cheap cardboard box.

So this is the story of Cinderella.

Worship Team

Today I was assigned the supremely awesome roll of worship team coordinator for this months Junior High Chapel. This should be super fun and a great experience. I plan on awesome songs and some equally awesome snacks. It has occurred to me that this post is not nearly long enough for a full post so I have decided that I shall include a random photo of something. Well There you have it.

Stuff

So here's todays stuff.

• I asked my English teacher if I could use this blog for my monthly journal project. She said that I could. Hooray now I won't feel like a total failure if no one even reads this blog. It will also be nice for her not to read the random sentences I write about mythical creatures in my regular journal. ('Cuz after all we can write about whatever we want.)
• The long awaited cousins left yesterday. Now my house feels very empty. It feels emptier knowing I probably want see them until this summer. I miss you guys so much. So glad I got to see you.
• 3rd quarter seems to last forever. If only there was someway to break this almost never-ending cycle of weeks that haunt the back half of our school-year. If only there was some big school event or break that could break up this monotony.
• Right now I am very confused about my current project. I always like projects even if I don't finish them. I recently took down my website and I hope to install the new and improved version later (as soon as I figure out a decent hosting situation and a way to use my new app.) I've also been messing around with some other stuff lately. I've kind of whimsical played with the idea of making some games.
• English class has been interesting lately. We've been talking about ideas for 8th grade graduation as well as the next junior high chapel.

Tip of the Day: Using Other Programs

If you have a windows machine you know that every PC comes with some standard programs that you can use for your various computing needs.

• Internet Explorer
• Windows Media Player
• Microsoft's Paint
• Media center (for you newer users)

I'm not saying that if you should change them all out but if you don't like one of them just use a different program. This is where the beauty of windows shines through. There are plenty of open source geeks, hobbyist programmers, and businesses that would love you to use their services. The best part is it's all free.

Let's look at an example: I personally hate internet explorers slow loading guts and I use Google Chrome for all my standard browsing needs. I also keep both IE and Firefox on my comp for web testing. Is anyone Charging me? Absolutely not. It's just as easy as downloading. I hate Microsoft paint with a passion. So I fired it and hired three better graphic programs to take it's place. (Paint.net, Inkscape and Gimp2) The same goes for web products. If you hate your email service change it. If you dislike things about your favorite online encyclopedia and think it has some pretty inconstant facts then go to another.

I think that this is window's (and Linux's) greatest strategy. Make programming open to people, so they can make programs open to people. This is why as trendy(and virus free) as mac is the code has them beat. I can't get my favorite programs for mac. Although I am not myself a mac owner I know that most free programs are not available on mac.

The Change Fairy

Today Has been a great day. Cousins are here. Life is good. But on to ,ore pressing matters

This issue has been one that has been plaguing me for some time now: The infamous Change Fairy .And no I''m not talking about politics here.

The Change Fairy is a tricky one. She comes while you are sleeping and steals your personal interests. She gets her joys out of taking away some very important goals from your life such as What you want to be when you grow up, or what kind of person you want to marry . Or what your college plans are. Exhibit A: I was at a tender age of 7 years old not a care in my world. I wanted so badly to be a Jedi Knight When I grew up. So of course I told all my friends and my not-friends. But were they the only ones listening? Oh if only they had been. The Change Fairy's attack was slow but effective. Eventually one day I woke up different I no longer want to be a Jedi Knight. Do I blame growing up? No. I blame the Change Fairy. Exhibit b: Second Grade I wanted to be a super spy. Do I now of course not.

Maybe the Change Fairy isn't as much a Myth as she is an Idea. I've always been penalized by the feeling that as soon as I set a goal it won't matter because by the time I get that old it will have changed. It's like I can get involved but I don't really want to talk about it out of fear that it will change. But let's start thinking more positively.

Todays Technical Tip: Rhapsody

Rhapsody is probably the most advanced music purchasing website on the web today. I'll start with my experience with rhapsody. I had accumulated quite a library on yahoo music. It was a good service with decent prices on music. Unfortunately they closed and I lost my usage rights. So the gave me some rhapsody points to make up for it on rhapsody's mp3 store. It was great to use rhapsody It's a bit hard to write about all the advantages of this mp3 store

• They sell true mp3 format music, so you can use your music in slide shows and movies
• rhapsody songs can be bought via the website or the rhapsody player
• rhapsody gives you both free 30 second samples and 30 complete free plays every month (This alone should be enough to switch you out of itunes)
• most all rhapsody songs are $1. None of that extra $1.20 poo
• Rhapsody also works on any mp3 player (Take that itunes and your completely pointless ipod program. Trust me if your entering the music bizz stay away from the ipod)
• Let us not foret that even if you have been sucked into this hole itunes thing rhapsody still ports into your itunes so you can put it on your ipod)

That's only the back end of rhapsody. The best feature of this website would have to be the actually Rhapsody/Rhapsody mobile services. These services allow you for only $14 a month listen to all the music you can stand without regurgitating. (And if you do regurgitate on something important, I'm pretty sure that rhapsody will not cover the cost of repairs. Please use rhapsody in moderation)

Unfortunately I have had a few issues with Rhapsody. Sometimes requests don't process or downloads fail. They definitely have some network issues to work out, but not enough to ruin it.

Best of all Rhapsody is available to everyone and many mobile devices. You can find it for your windows, mac, Ipod touch /Iphone apps, and even a few rhapsody custom devices.

A Long Awaited Arrival

Because today is so extra super specialicious one young man will dare to write 2 blog posts (Insanity) just to cover the awesomelisciousness of it all.

Yeah that's right 2 blog posts in one day. I went there. (Oh no you di-'nt woody. Oh, but I did) If you had subscribed to me right now you could be really mad at me now. But thankfully it's my first day of blogging and I am assured that you will most likely forgive me of my rudeness. Now in the future of my sure-to-blossom-into-complete-awesome-sauce blog I will be sure to mind my internet manners and not spam out anybodies subscription reader. Now on to the matter.

My cousins are coming up to see us in our (kind of) Grand state of Wisconsin. And I am undoubtedly assured that this will be one two our most awesome days ever. Not sure what we will do then but I'm sure it will involve amazing things like staying up late, playing games, shopping, being awesome, and making dessert drinks with my 350 horse power blender. (That's a different story for a different day) It is really special to see them because we cousins are super close. We have been waiting for this day for a long time and it's finally here (Actually tomorrow, my bad. Just got so excited)

So here is my dramatic quote for the day:

"Keep your hands of my mama. Keep your hands of my Doritos"

as seen here

Hello World!

I got a blog. Will I keep up with it? probably not. But nevertheless I am trying. Today I'll just keep this post simple and to the point. I don't expect this to be perfect, but I couldn't help but join seeing all the fun other family members were having. Is there any good reason for you (Friend/Family member) to read this blog? Probably not. But I am sure going to try to figure out why you should. Maybe I could offer a little tip of the day to enrich your interwebbing experience. Or offer a little witty phrase. But I'm blogging and maybe that will help me get on with my school work projects and life.

Todays little technological tip of the day: The Google Account

May of you family members already have google accounts just for your blogging or Gmail. But did you know that your account can do all sorts of other cool things? My favorite Would have to be Igoogle. With Igoogle you can have a completely customized home page. I put all sorts of neat junk on it like my facebook feed. And my google reader. That's what's so neat about it. Anyone can make widgets for it giving it the ultimate homepage capability(Wow that word was so snazzy it could be a witty phrase all it's own)

that's not even scratching the surface of your account's possibilities.

Just look at all of this fun junk

Well that's my first blog post hope you liked it.