Cinderella. A new version

Once there was a girl named Cinderella. Cinderella's mother died when she was a baby. She was never sure why. (Though her step mother assures her it was due to obesity) She lived with her Dad for years by themselves and they were very happy. Her dad was a very successful lawn gnome salesman, the greatest in the entire kingdom. But that wasn't enough for dear old Dad. One day he met a lady named Geraldine. They dated for a few years and decided to combine their families. Cinderella, her father, and Geraldine and her two daughters moved into a big mansion together. All seemed good for Cinderella. She had a good home, her father had been recently promoted to ceo at gnome-co, and she made friends with some forest animals. Unfortunately for Cinderella 1 year later her father was killed or locked in a dungeon or was in a coma or became very busy with his job or something that involved her not being able to see him again. For years she was miserable until all that changed one fateful day.

It was a warm summer day. Cinderella’s clock barely stroke six before she was rudely awoken.
"Cinderella!" cried her step mother, "You neglected to wash my Ferrari yesterday".
"I’m terribly sorry Geraldine. I was up until 12 shining your shoes and spot-cleaning the bathroom with a tooth-brush," She replied.
"Well sorry isn't good enough you need to get back to work, and why aren't you in your janitorial uniform?"
"I'm so sorry I'll go and get ready, but before I go, could I make a request?"
"Alright but you have 15 seconds and counting"
"Couldn't we buy an electric tooth-brush? All of our neighbors' maids look so efficient cleaning their bathrooms with electric toothbrushes."
"Foolish child, I can't think of a good reason not to, since we are rolling in the benjamins and all. But since you acted so spoiled as to ask I'm going to blame it something say no. I don't know what I'm blaming it on yet, but I'll text your minimum service no-internet piece-of-junk $0.20-per-text phone when I think of it."

So Cinderella went about her work. Meanwhile Geraldine went to her office to check her email. She looked over her usual advertisements and came across an interesting email for the palace. It read:

That day Cinderella's home was abuzz with the excitement of the palace ball. While her stepmother and stepsisters were shopping she just mopped the floors, swept porch, answered mean $0.20 text messages from them, (Her Stepmother and Stepsisters that is. It would be kind of weird to be texted by your flooring) and doing other chores. By 8 o'clock she was exhausted and went up to her home theater to dust where she found Frank, her Fairy godfather watching c-span.

"Hey Frank" she said.

"What do you want now" He replied from the comfort of his reclining la-z-boy.

"Well It's just that there's this electric tooth-"

"Let me guess, you want to go to that stupid ball so you can go chill with Mr. Dancing-Pants Himself, The prince."

"Well that would be awesome but I really only-"

"I can't help you."

"Why, Frank?"

"Because"

"Frank you know that's technically not a real answ-"

"Okay Fine"

"I'll get you the stretch limo with a tennis court and surround-sound the whole sha-bang"

"Wow Frank you are the most amaz-"

"There's one condition if your gonna go hang with sir Dance-a-lot"

"What's that Frank?"

"Be back by midnight"

"Well of course, but the ball lasts til 2"

"Too bad, My magic can't last that long. I've been forced to buy discount ever since your little prince started spending my tax dollars faster than you can say a cheesy spell phrase"

"Oh..."

"Ok. Here goes"

Then Frank brought up a spell, suddenly her old 76 chevette poofed into one awesome stretch limos, and a neighbor kid turned into a street-savvy chauffeur. Her family janitorial uniform turned into a lovely gown, and her converse all stars instantly turned into glass. (which was actually more comfortable than it sounds) And with a tip of his cheesy looking hat Frank disappeared into one of those magical fairy not-environmentally-friendly pink clouds.

So Cinderella walked out of her house after grabbing her old phone which had since blossomed into a a beautiful dell windows 7 enabled laptop. (Gotta love techno magic) She got into her stretch limo, and tipped the neighbor kid who now spoke with a heavy NYC cab driver accent.

"So, where to?" he asked.

"The palace" She replied cheerily.

So she arrived in style on the red carpet. Celebrities were everywhere. The whole palace smelled of expensive perfume and sweaty guys trying to cover up their gross stench with cologne. (not one of her favorite smells) She looked over at the food table and noticed the rest of her "family" having what did not look like the time of their snotty lives.

She walked out on the dance floor. The DJ lined up tune after tune. She danced til feet hurt. Lot's of time. went by all the while she stared at the other girls all hanging out with the prince. The DJ layed down a funkalicous techno beat and the two danced their shoes off (Which they hardly even noticed) Several songs went by and the clock ticked faster than either of them could have wished. It wasn't long before the clock stroke twelve. Suddenly The prince's phone buzzed.

"What was that?" she asked.

"Oh that was just my phone", he replied, "It rings ever hour" I loose track of time easily.

"I g2g" she said running out of the palace.

"Wait" he stuttered. But it was too late she was gone.

Cinderella ran. She was unsure what surprises awaited once Frank's spell ran out of magic. She ran down the palace’s street. She got into her limo, which was waiting conveniently waited for her by the curb.

"Where to, lady?" asked her chauffeur.

"Home, and step on it," she answered.

"You got it" he chuckled, and they sped down the highway.

As you can imagine it is a very awkward situation for a police officer to find a 12 year-old driving a 17 year-old in beat up chevette down a high at 80mph. This was the sad case with our characters on the side of that highway. The officer - a nice guy who happened to have a fairy godmother and understood the situation, decided that under the (completely believable) circumstances he would let it go that time and sent them on their way. So a depressed Cinderella sulked into her room and fell asleep out of exhaustion.

At the same time the prince stood around the palace observing his staff cleaning up after the party. He seemed rather depressed as well, until he noticed something strange. Two glass converse sneakers lying on the dance floor. Before a he could udder a syllable he gasped as one of hi butlers tripped on one and flew into the air, crushing it underneath his hindquarters. The prince ran and grabbed up the other slipper. He knew tomorrow he would find his techno-dancing sweat heart.

The following day, Cinderella awoke to begin her usual routine of cleaning and such. She had worked away half the morning when she heard the doorbell ring. She walked downstairs to get it but to her dismay she saw before her a sight that shocked her to the core. There stood her wicked stepmother, Geraldine opening the door for a well dressed looking butler and the prince himself.

"Your highness!" She exclaimed, "What can I do for you this fine day?"

"Nothing more than a quick survey madam" he replied politely, "I see from our records, that you have attended our ball last night".

"Why yes sir ".

"You and your daughters is that correct"

"Yes"

"The four of you?"

"No unfortunately, My youngest was unable to attend"

"That is a shame. Could you possibly try on this sneaker madam? It was found at our ball last night."

"Why don't the two of you have a seat?" she kindly asked.

"Yes of course" replied the prince.

"I'm terribly sorry madam but I would prefer to stand" declined the butler, "My hindquarters have been hurting me terribly".

"Anyways", interjected the prince "Could this possibly be yours madam?"

"I'm sorry, I don't think that's mine", she answered "But maybe one of my girls left it. Come here girls!"

Both of Cinderella's step sisters came down from their rooms very groggy and tired. Each of them claimed to own the sneaker, hoping to impress the prince. Neither of their feet fit in the shoe to their dismay the first step sister’s foot was too large. .

"What about her?" asked the prince pointing to Cinderella.

"Oh but she wasn't even their there's no point!" replied the enraged stepmother.

"Look madam, I have been all over this country this morning, I am willing to try anything"

"Alright then"

Cinderella walked down the stairs towards the prince who of course smelled like more bad perfume and women's foot odor. She quietly tried on the sneaker and it fit perfectly.

"It was you?" exclaimed the prince.

"Yes" She sobbed.

The prince and Cinderella were eventually married. They took the glass and sold the glass slipper to converse who bought the concept for 5.4 million dollars. The two lived happily-ever-after even more filthy rich than ever before.

As for frank he got a local job teaching magic to future fairies at a community college.

Geraldine lost all her money in a gambling debt, and sold entire fortune and her bratty

daughters to pay it off. No worries. She took up residency in cheap cardboard box.

So this is the story of Cinderella.